'Buka Puasa' on the 19th October.

It may seem that my blogs are a bit backdated... well, I didn't have the time to post it. Hectic schedule, I tell you. But then again, now I have lots of photo to post. So we had this buka puasa, and for those who don't know what that means, it means breaking fast. After all we are in the Ramadhan month. Only about 1 week to go.. So my company had this big buka puasa for all employees and we went to get all that free food. So here are the photos from that night:

This is me and Amat's son, Ashraf. Isn't he adorable?

And this is Amat's daughter. She is so cute.

This is the gang. From left to right: Danny :) , Mei Ling, Amat and his daughter, Me, and Yad and Amat's son.

Another group photo. From left to right: Sam, Mei Ling, Me, Amat and his daughter, and Yad and Amat's son.

The food was not bad. It was held in Saloma, Kuala Lumpur. After the buka puasa, everybody sort of disappeared. Seriously. Next thing I know, this group was all that was left... and there were a LOT of people.

Until next post.

Another shoot day...

Hello again. Today, I am posting some more pics but for another of my workday. This time we were on shoot at Price Waterhouse Coopers for an episode of Careers Xpose, the show that we're doing for NTV7... The date was 18th October, 2005 and the host for our show is a good friend of mine, Mei Ling, who was under a lot of pressure. She was kind of relieved when the day was over. But it was a particularly funny day, all in all. So here's the pics:

Here we are in PWC's office in Cyberjaya, with Amat taking footages for the episode.

We are now in PWC's office in KL. Here Sam is standing in for the host as Amat is looking for the best angle.

Amat at work.

This is the script.

Another shot of the script.

Amat and Sam putting the lights together.

Eh, sure like this?

Here we are on set, looking at Mei Ling doing her thing.

This is the line that is really irritating Mei Ling. She can't seem to get it right. When I said it, I didn't get it right either. It sure is a mouthful and really hard to remember.

Another view of the set.

Mei Ling laughing. She really hates that line. I think we were on take 13 or 14. I could be exageratting though.

Doesn't he look tired?

This picture was taken right before we realised that Amat forgot to push the Record Button. The irony was she actually got the line perfect. Sigh.

This was after the final take for this scene. She was very relieved.

I think this is a nice pic of her. Don't you think?

Mei Ling checks her nails while Amat and Sam check the angle.

More pictures to come. Coming up tomorrow, picture of our shoot in Leo Burnett for another episode of Career X-pose. I'm Rozana, signing off. (haha private script joke) Ciao!

On the Set.

Working required me to be on shoots, and this particular shoot came as a surprise because I was called to assist at the last minute. Nevertheless, I had lots of fun. I took quite a number of pictures for my archive and I thought to myself, ah what the heck let's post it! The shoot went on for a whole day and only ended at about 10/11 pm. I was really really really *ergh* tired when we were done, but it really felt good. :) The date was 13th of October 2005, and it was a Thursday.

Danny and Apai.

Chunk the Director.

Everybody in focus.

Amat looking for a good shot.

An artsy picture of Amat handling the camera.

Special FX makeup I did for one of the talents.

(From left to right) Yad the Editor, Tina and Dela the Talents.

Amat taking a break. Seriously.

Chunk monitoring the shot from the monitor.

Amat and the camera.

The three ImgBx guys. Sounds like a boyband ain't it? Ha.

Discussions on the set.

I guess the shot looks good, huh?

That's me on the floor, in charge of all the glitter.

I've got a lot of photos these days since I started charging the camera more often so I guess having a photo blog would be kind of nice. Keep a look out for more pics. ;P

My Birthday

Ok, so my birthday happened last month and I only got to updating me blog now. Been a bit busy with work, but hey. Here's some pics from me birthday..

The food was great (It's becoming a tradition to have a barbeques every birthday, hmmm...)

And here is the Birthday cake, don't know where the picture came from but looks good no?

Among the people who came to my BBQ party...

Cutting the cake needed lots of focus.. hah!

Well, there were more photos, but they were either blur or needed correction and I'm just so lazy...

New month, new job and of spirits

Well its the beginning of a new month. I am probably one of those few Malaysian bloggers who didn't write anything on Merdeka Day proclaiming the Independance of our country. Well, it figures. Not that I am not patriotic.

Anyway, back to the new month. Well I started my new job with hyper spirits (really really hyper). After about.... oh maybe 6 days of work, its starting to wind down a bit and now I think I am pretty much settled in. Almost.

I guess having the spirit counts but how long will that last? Have you ever seen that person at.. say a restaurant that is so smiley :) that it hurts to watch all that happiness and eagerness to serve customers? Usually, after about 2 weeks or so, that spirit usually dwindles and the next thing you know, Yawnsville. Next thing you know, either the person quits or eventually gets promoted.

So I guess, its not just spirits that help us through our daily working (shudder) lives. Its the dedication that a person has that determines which path we need to climb next. I sure hope my dedication kicks in... I am so gonna need it. Its not that my job is boring. Its anything and everything but boring. But soon the spirit is gonna dwindle and the next thing I know, I will find myself asking me what in the world am I doing?

It might happen.

Then again, I happen to like this job so I think I'm gonna stick around ferawhile. I get to meet lots of new people outside of my industry and I get to meet lots of new people in this industry. (pause)

Ok. So maybe I meet lots of new people.

Coming back to the topic though. To all those people who are going through that daily grind, if you don't like what you're doing, find a different job that you are passionate about. Passion is the key. If you are passionate about your job then you can be sure that you will as sure as hell be more dedicated to it. With dedication, effort and patience, we will surely reach the top.

Amen.

The art of stillness in a hectic environment...

It's been an emotionally draining week, ladies and gentleman but at least I had anchors all around me that kept me down in the whirlwind of events. Yep. The art of stillness in a hectic environment is support and willpower.

What makes me think like that? Let's have a recap. I am supposed to start work on the 15th of August, 2005. Yep. Today is the 22nd of August and at 8.02 PM I am just beginning to relax about that job. I am still not working. I repeat. I am STILL not working. Why you may wonder as you read this since I have just said that I was to start on the 15th. Well, according to the people I am supposed to work for, I will only be confirmed on the 1st. Sigh. And guess what? I just found that out today. Yep again. Today. Still I am thankful because that means only another week of joblessness....

On top of that, my dearly beloveds (yes... both of them) were sick or shall I say still sick. For a moment, I thought I would lose my darling (the big one) and I actually had a flashback of the moments we spent together these past 2 years and it was heart-wrenching when I thought there was a possibility that I would not grow old with man. It still hurts when I think about it. But thank God, he was OK. He was passed out in pain and all I could was make sure that he had food (if he wakes) and hold his hand when he cries out my name.

I was scared. Terrified. And even after it was over, I still can feel that fear somewhere at the back of my mind, and I get a terrible pain in my chest everytime that fear takes a peek at me.

My little one was down with fever. Or should I say up? Why do they say down with fever or whatever when their body temperature is up? *confused* He didn't have any appetite and he was losing weight. He was coughing badly and he had trouble sleeping.

It's like a double whammy straight to my stomach. I can't breathe.. I feel like I am running around in circles and I am lagging from the exhaustion yet I feel like if I stop then the world will come crashing down around me.

And yet, in that moment of hecticnism (no such word, I know), the very people who were my anchor was there. To take my mind off things. My friends, my mother. But most important of all, my two loved ones. It makes me feel calm when I hear them calling my name. It's like reminding me that there is still hope yet.

My little one calls me and hugs me tight and I hug back.

My man calls me and holds my hand tight and I hold him tight.

And everything is gonna be alright.

And it did become alright. That's the beauty of patience and hope. Because with hope, you believe and with belief comes understanding. I prayed for them to be alright and the feeling of relief was unimaginable when they became alright.

On top of that, my projects are going on its course again. It's like my professional life was put on pause while I dealt with the importance of now. I thank God for that. Now lets just hope that I can make it when I start my job. I am wishing myself luck.

So that is the art of stillness. Its not really about me or you as a person but its about perseverence and support. You become like a different person when dealing with life's dilemmas. Strong. Wise. Patient.

Like I always like to say, one step at a time.

Confessions and Realisations.

I haven't been faithful to my blogging of late. Erk. Too busy I guess. But now I got some time so I intend to blog for all my worth. Lets see. Doing my bit to get my financial on the way to stability. Dodging questions from my parents about getting a 9 to 5 job. Calling up friends once in awhile to make them realise I am still alive. And kicking. And running around to appointments that I cannot say no to cos it might mean money. Oh and had a heart to heart talk with my one and only.

Sigh. How did life get so complicated? It used to be kinda simplistic. Go out in the morning, feel like class or not? No? Yes? Go hang out after class, have philosophical talks, or gossip sessions or just plain fun.

Now I am running around to make sure money comes in every month in preparation for the future. My son is going to school in another 3 years, but he will be in kindieland by next year. What does that mean ladies and gentlemen? Yup. Money for fees. Sigh.

But I really should thank my lucky stars and offer a prayer to God. At least there ARE projects that I have secured with profit in the horizon. At least I have parents who care what their daughter is doing. At least I have friends I can call who know I am still around and take the time to talk to me. At least I have a one and only to hug me and love me when I am feeling blue.

So basically, it's all about balance. Even if you're stressed out at work or school or whatever, there is still that silver lining in the cloud. Even if you have sacrificed something in the past that you wished you didn't gave up, there is something that took its place. All I have to do is take a moment in reflection and realise that its there.

Feeling a little better about my path in life, I trudge out and work my way through. One step at a time I always say. At least I don't feel like I am running around like a cockroach with its head cut off.. (pause) or arm.. (pause) whatever.. (pause). Eek. I don't like cockroaches. What possessed me to use THAT as an example. But I digress.

So I take a pause, a deep breath and I smell all that (Erm, with a filter mask, what with the smog and all). Life ain't that bad and let's just flow on.

A spiral, whirlpool or none?

It's been quite some time since my last blog. But hey, it's been hectic. I don't know what happens to the hours in the day or the days in the week, and I guess it happens even to the best of us.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am going around in a spiral of energy, going up and up and up with the end still far away, feeling blessedly calm in the aura of pure chi and wrapped in my own karma. Or am I drowning in a whirlpool? Dark, dank, dreary and ... wet? No. Just feeling like something is not really completely in sync with the rest of me. Does that make sense?

Sometimes, I am dizzy from all the stuff I want to do and I AM doing and it's easy to find yourself lost and confused with the needs and wants that are boiling inside and at the same trying to keep focus with what you're doing at the moment. It seems like stopping for a drink of coffee or even to smell the flowers before you go out seems to much for you to sacrifice your time.

Yet, at least I have an anchor. Two, actually. My left and right. These two have always been there. For their thoughts, feelings, touch, but most importantly, their love. My son loves me unconditionally and for that I am thankful that I have him. And there is always Danny. Sometimes I wonder what would I do without him. Now that I have him, can I imagine how it would be without him. I think not.

Perhaps I am just thinking fancy thoughts about love and friendship and... perhaps I feel more grateful that I have two someones who makes it all better, even if I am in a spiral or a whirlpool. Perhaps I am in neither. Yes, perhaps.

Today, I spoke to an old friend. Well, perhaps spoke was a bad word to describe it but let's say.. electronically, I spoke to an old friend through MSN. A short conversation and a visit to his blogsite later, I find myself feeling... sad. Sometimes, the path of time and experience takes us to places we never would have dreamed of, and yet we always look back, sometimes wistfully, sometimes with regret, and sometimes thankfully. I find myself saddened at the turn of events and I find myself walking the path of memories.

To my old friend, should you come across this, be strong for there would come a time when you would look back and you may decide how you want to look at the path you have walked. Perhaps it may seem a trivial advice, but you know and I know the outcome of my path and you once gave me the same advice: Be strong. And I add another, Focus. Perhaps we can talk of this one day, but till then, I will let you be alone with your thoughts and when you're ready, you have two pairs of listening ears.

To my lights of life, both of you, just two words. Thank you.

Till next entry, may it be filled with happier thoughts.

Danny, my other half 

Fakrul, my son. 

Parents, Business and Parents

It's been a month since I last posted.. since then I think I've been nagged by my parents every single day. I think I need to get a job that takes me out most of the time to avoid being nagged at. Sigh. I'm pretty sure there are lots of people out there who are going through the exact same thing... but usually each person would feel the other person's parents are WAY more laidback. Probably parents the world over are similar one way or the other.

I just got my business card out and I'm pretty proud about it since I designed it myself (ahem). If I don't toot my own horn, who's gonna do that huh?

But anyway, I'm going off topic. Today my parents started on my nails. It seems that something so small can escalate to a huge cold war. I'm not talking to them right now cos they don't really listen anyway. Don't you ever get the feeling that when you talk to your parents it seems like you're talking to the wall? Or even better.... like you're talking to a sawing machine which cuts you off every second word or so... (but I... it's not... you see... blah blah...)

And I realise something, it doesn't matter what you say, your parents are gonna think they are right and you are wrong anyway and the best thing I can do is not do that to my kid. Uh uh no way...

Till next compaint..

About cleaning my room and my parents' Obsession

You know it's funny how my parents seem obsessed about me cleaning my room. Even if it is clean, they still insist that I clean it. The state of my room does resemble theirs in a way that it is not THAT messy. I can see the floor, I can find my stuff and I do not get a headache everytime I go into my room. Yet they see my room as something that most definitely need to cleaned. All the time!

Are all parents that way? What if the child is a neat-freak? Would parents still say "clean your room"? *pause* Probably not, but the point is, they always ask ME to clean my room and I know for a fact that my room is REALLY not messy. Friends who come over actually say that my room is neat. So then why? *pause* Sigh.

Well, I guess I have to stop here and write another day. I have to clean my room. Sigh.

Of being mistaken about empty roads, bowling and heat.

Hey ho. Well, I guess I was wrong about the roads being empty till Monday. It started filling up again on Saturday but at least it wasn't jammed up or anything.

I got this offer to bowl with some ladies at a local bowling alley for the ladies league and I'm still wondering if I should go ahead and bowl (I'd probably be really really bad 'cos of lack of practice) or just say no. I wanna but do I really wanna? Decisions decisions decisions.

By the way, I'm finishing up my card design, and I'm gonna send it off to the printers tomorrow. Cross my finger that it'll look good. Sigh.

At the present moment, I'm just gonna keep this short, because I am sweating really really badly. Man, when is this heat gonna let up? Apparently, there is a heat wave going on and I guess not many people are sure when it's gonna end. Some say next week, some say next month and some say never and even some say that the world is gonna end. *pause* Must be the heat.

Anyways, till next entry, ciao.

Of Chinese New Year Holidays, empty roads and hurling.

Hello there. Yes, yes, I know. It's been quite a number of days since I have written something. Well, it's been kind of hectic (sort of) these days, what with me running around doing errands for me mum.. (and I'm NOT being defensive) and of course doing that showcase project. Sigh...

Well since I'm here and all, let's not waste precious webtime and look at me digress. Let me tell you about the outside world (or at least here in Kuala Lumpur) today (the 9th).

Something that you only see on special public holidays. Empty roads. I mean seriously. Yeah there are a few cars here and there. But I could probably count them leisurely while driving about 80 km/hour. It's surprising to see the number of people who actually head back to their hometown on Chinese New Year. Since it's, like, a week's holiday, everybody is taking advantage and this leaves me wondering. I guess there aren't many native KL-ites and PJ-ians here are there. I mean, you could probably roll down the road outside my house (the main road called Jalan Beringin) and not get hit by anything (except probably my neighbour's cat).

So does this mean that all these people who go back to their hometown actually travel all the way here so they may find work and glory (really?) here in the city of Kuala Lumpur? A show hands to people who don't have a hometown they could call a hometown (or kampung) except for KL... (I raised my hand before hand...heh.. silly pun, excuse me, but it sure is funny looking at me typing on this here keyboard with one arm raised).

I have always wondered what it would be like to travel all the way to... say, Kelantan, everytime there is a public holiday which requires my presence among loved ones (loved ones meaning my family... not my cat). I am imagining the car ride from here to Kelantan (6 hours probably) and right now I am thinking absolutely not.... There is no way I can be in the car for that long for every single holiday that I will be taking. Nope.

For those of you who actually go back to you really far hometown, I salute you guys because it really takes a lot of patience to travel back and forth for holidays. I really do. I probably feel like hurling if I think about all those trips.

So from now until Monday, the roads are probably going to be pretty much deserted (at least around the KL/PJ border, that is, Bukit Damansara, Taman Tun, Section 16, etc). So I am going to enjoy this jam-less state as much as I can and take a relaxed\, leisure drive down the road home. See you in my next blog. Rozana out.

Been a few days...

It's been a few days since my last entry, but here I am again. It has been quite a busy week. My parents left for Indonesia (for a week), I went for an advert shooting (as part of a band), got my computer back (yippee!!!), got my new speakers (sigh) and I finally set up my computer in my studio. *pause* Well, sort of. It's still kind of messy but I'm getting there.

Right now, I'm taking a break from my editing. Of course, I still need to check my mail and stuff.

This week promises to be a rather hectic week, I reckon. I still got a few stuff to do like finish editing that music showcase which is due this wednesday (yikes), get my group's single on air (cross my fingers), release that darn single (cross my toes) and try and get a hold of that darn production guy who is suppose to pass me my next project.

Sigh. I probably missed a few stuff but then my trusty PDA will probably remind me (erk)...

Well, enough for now. Will keep this updated later. Till next entry.

Ashamed and in hiding.

Okay. So maybe I didn't skip a day. I really thought I did though.

Yesterday I had dropped off my computer at a friend's place, in the hopes that it will finally be repaired. *sigh* I am crossing my fingers and my toes. I would cross my eyes too, but then I won't be able to see what I am typing, eh? *snicker*

Okay. So that was a really bad joke. But hey, if I was comedian and a really good one, I'd probably be famous by now. *pause* Well... not really. But it was worth a sentence.

As usual my ramblings are going nowhere.

Well, today I checked my e-mails, checked the classifieds, and in a minute I'm supposed to clean my room. *ergh* Oh wait. My dad is yelling in the background, asking me to go out and get that memory card reader. Whoopee.. (umm.. that was sarcastic..)

Since I can't seem to concentrate around here, I guess I'd better sign off and continue tomorrow.

Till tomorrow.

What happened to yesterday??

Okay. So I accidently skipped a day in my blogging. So what? *pause* I hear crickets. Do you? *pause* Ahem. Anyway, yesterday was a whirlwind of appointments. I went to see some people and oh... Danny tried to see what he can do with my computer. Did you know that you cannot put a SATA Hard Drive in an External Casing????? Of course we found THAT out the hard way. What can you do if you have three SATA drives that can't fit into external casings???? ARGH!!!

Give a minute while I regain my composure.

Ooooo Kay. All is well, I hope, 'cos I managed to get a hold of a friend who does repairs and we are sending him my baby computer today. *phew*

Changing the subject, I just realised some things. When you are trying to do lots of things at once, you would often neglect the things you used to do. Like what I used to like to do, making music, making videos etc. Not only that, but you would also miss other appointments, like the casting I was supposed to go to yesterday morning, oh and the career fair that I really, really, wanted to see but couldn't.

*long pause*

So enough with my ramblings. Let's talk today's current issue.

Mmm.. excuse me (whisper) what's today's current issue about?

Heh. The moral of the story is, when somebody wants to do something, they usually end up not doing it 'cos they're too busy doing other things that might help the something that they really wanna do. (Could you follow that?)

Double Heh. Another moral is that when somebody wants to talk about something and is waiting for the chance to talk about their something, then suddenly gets the chance to talk about their something, they usually forget about what they wanted to talk about in the first place.

Overall lesson in life: Never ever beat about the bush. Otherwise, you might get into some really prickly and thorny situations.

Over and Out. *pshhh*

Resolutions.

Well, it's about 17 days into the new year. Most of my friends would think that I already broke most of my resolutions (I usually make about an average of 5 resolutions a year). Well this year is quite a surprise 'cos I DIDN'T make any resolutions.. HA.. so I didn't break any.. *pause* does anyone follow my logic here?

Things are getting off on a good start.. I just accepted my first editing job today (heh) and I'm absolutely ecstatic. Give me a minute while I pat myself on my back again.. *snicker*

Truthfully though, it actually has been a bit rocky in the past two weeks, but I am actually seeing everything falling into place *pause* ok... maybe not everything. *pause* Almost everything. *pause* Let's just forget about that ok?

This is my first ever entry here, and although this entry is short, I foresee that there are more to come.. so stay tuned and I shall be back. *pause* Seriously.. I will be back.

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