The art of stillness in a hectic environment...

It's been an emotionally draining week, ladies and gentleman but at least I had anchors all around me that kept me down in the whirlwind of events. Yep. The art of stillness in a hectic environment is support and willpower.

What makes me think like that? Let's have a recap. I am supposed to start work on the 15th of August, 2005. Yep. Today is the 22nd of August and at 8.02 PM I am just beginning to relax about that job. I am still not working. I repeat. I am STILL not working. Why you may wonder as you read this since I have just said that I was to start on the 15th. Well, according to the people I am supposed to work for, I will only be confirmed on the 1st. Sigh. And guess what? I just found that out today. Yep again. Today. Still I am thankful because that means only another week of joblessness....

On top of that, my dearly beloveds (yes... both of them) were sick or shall I say still sick. For a moment, I thought I would lose my darling (the big one) and I actually had a flashback of the moments we spent together these past 2 years and it was heart-wrenching when I thought there was a possibility that I would not grow old with man. It still hurts when I think about it. But thank God, he was OK. He was passed out in pain and all I could was make sure that he had food (if he wakes) and hold his hand when he cries out my name.

I was scared. Terrified. And even after it was over, I still can feel that fear somewhere at the back of my mind, and I get a terrible pain in my chest everytime that fear takes a peek at me.

My little one was down with fever. Or should I say up? Why do they say down with fever or whatever when their body temperature is up? *confused* He didn't have any appetite and he was losing weight. He was coughing badly and he had trouble sleeping.

It's like a double whammy straight to my stomach. I can't breathe.. I feel like I am running around in circles and I am lagging from the exhaustion yet I feel like if I stop then the world will come crashing down around me.

And yet, in that moment of hecticnism (no such word, I know), the very people who were my anchor was there. To take my mind off things. My friends, my mother. But most important of all, my two loved ones. It makes me feel calm when I hear them calling my name. It's like reminding me that there is still hope yet.

My little one calls me and hugs me tight and I hug back.

My man calls me and holds my hand tight and I hold him tight.

And everything is gonna be alright.

And it did become alright. That's the beauty of patience and hope. Because with hope, you believe and with belief comes understanding. I prayed for them to be alright and the feeling of relief was unimaginable when they became alright.

On top of that, my projects are going on its course again. It's like my professional life was put on pause while I dealt with the importance of now. I thank God for that. Now lets just hope that I can make it when I start my job. I am wishing myself luck.

So that is the art of stillness. Its not really about me or you as a person but its about perseverence and support. You become like a different person when dealing with life's dilemmas. Strong. Wise. Patient.

Like I always like to say, one step at a time.

Confessions and Realisations.

I haven't been faithful to my blogging of late. Erk. Too busy I guess. But now I got some time so I intend to blog for all my worth. Lets see. Doing my bit to get my financial on the way to stability. Dodging questions from my parents about getting a 9 to 5 job. Calling up friends once in awhile to make them realise I am still alive. And kicking. And running around to appointments that I cannot say no to cos it might mean money. Oh and had a heart to heart talk with my one and only.

Sigh. How did life get so complicated? It used to be kinda simplistic. Go out in the morning, feel like class or not? No? Yes? Go hang out after class, have philosophical talks, or gossip sessions or just plain fun.

Now I am running around to make sure money comes in every month in preparation for the future. My son is going to school in another 3 years, but he will be in kindieland by next year. What does that mean ladies and gentlemen? Yup. Money for fees. Sigh.

But I really should thank my lucky stars and offer a prayer to God. At least there ARE projects that I have secured with profit in the horizon. At least I have parents who care what their daughter is doing. At least I have friends I can call who know I am still around and take the time to talk to me. At least I have a one and only to hug me and love me when I am feeling blue.

So basically, it's all about balance. Even if you're stressed out at work or school or whatever, there is still that silver lining in the cloud. Even if you have sacrificed something in the past that you wished you didn't gave up, there is something that took its place. All I have to do is take a moment in reflection and realise that its there.

Feeling a little better about my path in life, I trudge out and work my way through. One step at a time I always say. At least I don't feel like I am running around like a cockroach with its head cut off.. (pause) or arm.. (pause) whatever.. (pause). Eek. I don't like cockroaches. What possessed me to use THAT as an example. But I digress.

So I take a pause, a deep breath and I smell all that (Erm, with a filter mask, what with the smog and all). Life ain't that bad and let's just flow on.